In the past when a man came knocking on your door he had to go through your parents. The idea of dating according to our grandparents and dating was based on strict Spanish Catholic imposed conservatism. Four decades and a few hairstyles later, the times seem to have taken on a radical change. Because of transformations in attitude through the years, dating today has taken on a more casual, laidback, unorganized, and uninhibited style when compared to that of long ago.
Dating as defined by our group (The Filipinos) is an encounter between a girl and a boy that lead into a deeper relationship like marriage.
What is dating? In an ever-changing world, it seems that its definition is also altering itself. What was once taboo in the past has become something of a casual action. For example holding hands and kissing in public as unheard of in 1928, but in 2000 it is considered normal, if not even a privilege.
Looking to the past, during our grandparent’s time, the concept of dating seemed to be like some ritual or long planned out process. The Filipino custom of harana or the serenading of a girl looks like something out of a romance movie or novel. Today it is viewed as corny, a waste of time, and even degrading to the woman, by youth standards. Gone are the days of involving the woman’s parents and asking for permission. These days they aren’t viewed as gods and placed on pedestals.
Now moving forward to the 1960’s and 70’s, we are placed into the time of our parents. Dating started to get more casual, it was a groovy and far out time. The romantic aspect was still present, as seen in the practice of giving and receiving chocolates and flowers. Our parent’s experience of growing up in the Philippines, where dating practices were rooted in practices gained from the Spanish colonization period. Our parent’s Philippines at this time slowly started to embrace the ideas of an increasingly westernized world.
Three decades later, it is our turn to tackle the mysterious world of dating. We are Filipinos who are growing up in a pure westernized environment. It seems that we have shifted to an ultra-liberalist point of view and stand when the subject of dating practices come up. Forget the rules, we complete the trilogy. A typical dating scenario these days are made up of a group of friends who go out and enjoy activities; like watching movies or eating at a diner. It seems that we are not going out with one individual; we are dating the whole group. Attending parties is a potential chance to meet that special someone. What are grandparents and parents once claimed as the one true love, we now equivalent to she’s a nice girl or does she have a friend? We are always aiming to gain more experiences.
So where does this leave us? Disillusioned on what love is and means? Bitter and cynical when it comes to human intimacy? As the third progeny of Filipinos of one century, the product of American influence, we are torn between two worlds. If this current trend continues, where will our children be? Will our future be something out of Aldous Huxley’s novel Brave New World, where relationships are based solely on sexual intercourse, and love and intimacy doesn’t exist.
Our story doesn’t conclude pessimistically and all sad; we do have the power to change the future, because we are the masters of our own destiny. In our group we all still believed in true love, and finding that right someone.
So as Filipino-Americans, we truly do live out what the name means; We still hold on to the Filipino constraints of dating, while grasping out and embracing new fangled American ideals that are part of the culture we live in and that influences us. Dating is what we make of it. Like a great philosopher once said, “Man is the product of his environment and time.”